Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
