honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
