Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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