hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
