Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He better not be in your backpack
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
