the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
