Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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