... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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