I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
