nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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