He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
