I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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