I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
