Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
