I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
