Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
