Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
