i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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