I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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