Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
