Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
MIDGETS
????
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
