i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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