god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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