We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
