yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
