Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
