you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
