My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
