this boner is exhausting
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize