the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
