no, he came in my armpit
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
