Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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