So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
