someone threw a dead crab at me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
