planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
