I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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