I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in your delicious
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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