I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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