my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
