Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
