pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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