He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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