I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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