I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
