i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
