do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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