If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
