omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
