i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
