when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
