I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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