That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
