It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
