That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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