bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
