I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I will be naked everywhere
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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