Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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