You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Of course I have a pirate flag
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
