I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
