two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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